Posted by: davidalemmink | September 14, 2010

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

One year.

That’s what it has been. One year.  Unbelievable that we have been able to survive this one year of missing David.  Still that empty chair at the table.  The emptiness in our lives and hearts.  Doing things he would have enjoyed and missing him and his enjoyment of them.  Living life without him.  It is hard.  It is still so hard.  It is hard every day knowing that our lives are progressing and he is missing out and we are missing him.

Of course, it has been a year of firsts.  First Thanksgiving. First Christmas.  First August 4 without David to celebrate.  First vacation without him.  The realization that he is not coming back to share in, and be a part of all our lives.  The realization that it is so final. Final.

Honestly, I do not look forward to the second year.  I truly do not believe that year two will be easier.  Trying to navigate through another year without our seasoned family traditions and trying to make new ways to celebrate. I do not want to make new ways, but that is what we must do.  There is always a hole, an emptiness.  Always a sadness with everything we do.  Always thinking “Oh! David would have loved this!” Always the sadness and tears and regret. Always the realization that he is not coming back.  It is reality and I HATE THAT REALITY!!

But plug along we must, one foot in front of the other.  We must work towards building those new traditions. Celebrating when we feel that hole. Learning a new, different way of life.

I am thankful to my children, who are so loving and positive.  I know they miss their dad terribly, but they are doing so well in their lives on a daily basis.  The reality is that we must live this life that we have been given, and watching them, I see them doing that so beautifully.  I thank God for each of them, and pray that God blesses them with love, health and happiness.

To those who have been such stalwart supporters of me, and all of us, throughout this year,  I am so thankful.  I know my life would have been so much more difficult without your loving help.  You have made the aloneness feel so much less that, and I truly thank you for your love.  I know I do not deserve your kindness, and I pray that God will shower you with many blessings.

I will close with a poem that David’s friend Gary wrote following David’s death.  It still brings tears to my eyes, but also joy of a life well lived and loved:

One less paddle stirs
the tranquil waters
the campfire flame
diminished to glowing embers
a distant owl questions
a star studded sky
down a new river
travels my good friend
the journeys we’ve shared
are forever a part of me

……………Gary Buyze

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Responses

  1. Thank you for posting! I am crying reading this. You are an amazing woman of strength and character. This year has been so hard. I cannot believe it has been a year. David is a part of you forever. I have watched you keep his memory alive as you remember things he would enjoy. It has been hard to know the immense pain that you have had to endure. I pray that you will rest in God’s loving arms and feel His peace. I love you!

  2. Ditto what Laura said. Really I have no words — all I know is that my heart still aches for you, and that I can not begin to comprehend your pain. And I’m truly bummed that we never got to go camping together. May God have mercy on us all and may David’s memory be eternal.

  3. When I saw David’s picture in the GR Press last night, I also thought it unbelievable he has been gone for a year. We miss him at CRI and often think about him and your family. His picture has been on our bulletin board all this time and the GR picture is now there as well. Be assured that David is in heaven enjoying the music and freedom from the pain he endured.

    God Bless you and your family during this second year and forever!


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